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It's a Little Depressing

September 7, 2022

I was getting in line at Circle K with an armload of junk food and a Coke when I saw a friend I don't see often. After the usual "How are you's?," she said, "You look happy."


"Yes, you do. You look happy!"

I guess I'm a better actress than I thought, because I've been feeling anything but happy. Actually, I've been feeling quite depressed. I can still do the things I need to, but it takes all of my energy. And each evening I find myself sitting in front of the television and watching whatever mindless drivel is on while my mind chastises me for the things I should be doing.

I started many other blogs this week, but nothing worked. I thought of posting that there would be no blog this week. It was tempting. But the topic of depression kept nagging me. Blogging is putting one's self out there for criticism. I'm okay with that. I have worried that others would feel they need to assure me that I am fine, that this will pass. And yes, I have been through this enough to know that that is true. But if you have experienced depression, kind words and assurances are nice, but they don't make it any easier to get out of bed or to step outside the house and go to the places at which I am supposed to be. It doesn't help get the dishes done or the laundry. (I washed the clothes, but they are all piled on my bed, unfolded, un-hung.)

I am quite logical, and logically, I have no reason to be depressed. I have a great family, good friends, a good job, a home, faith in God, fair health, and more blessings than I can count. All of that doesn't take the weight of depression away. I've had counseling. I recommend it. Prayer also helps. I'm grateful that I know my signs of depression but find it interesting that I can go a week or two before it dawns on me that I AM depressed. Acknowledging it is the beginning of getting through this bout. (The boxing metaphor is apropos, it does feel like a fight.) I am also lucky in that my depression isn't constant and doesn't creep in too often.

I've been listening to contemporary Christian music of late - something I NEVER thought I'd do. Some of it is really, really good, and I appreciate the messages. Matthew West has a song entitled ""Truth Be Told." Some of the lyrics are as follows"

And when they ask how you're doing ...

I say

I'm fine

Yeah, I'm fine ...

But I'm not

I'm broken ....

My depression may not look like yours, and this is not an attempt for sympathy or compliments. I don't feel that I have been very articulate, but I know expressing my feelings is important and helpful to me and maybe to others. I guess I would like others to know that those of us who are "strong" sometimes aren't.

[The illustration is an ATC (artist trading card) I created a few years ago. The image is not mine, I just embellished it.]

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