Balance and Grace

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It's been a rough couple of weeks. I feel terribly out of balance. So many things happening over which I have no control: parents, children, grandchildren, loss, feeling unloved, unlovable. I'm trying to get my feet back under me.

When I feel this way, I often turn to music. Finding songs that speak to my feelings. Blaming tears on the music.

My iPod has 8,671 songs on it - years of downloading music and random CDs found at yard sales for a dollar. There are some songs I'd like to delete, but I'm afraid to plug it into the computer for fear that I might lose all of the music. For years, I have listened to the songs alphabetically. I know which songs follow which, but am still surprised when something plays that I had forgotten about. I find comfort in this huge playlist. It takes months to listen A to Z.

Just having queued my iPod back up the other day, I arrived at song 186, "Amazing Grace," sung by Judy Collins. I have 11 renditions of "Amazing Grace:" Judy Collins twice, Celtic Thunder, LeAnn Rimes, Lex De Azevedo, The Limeliters, Mormon Tabernacle Choir, The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Rex Allen, Jr., Sagit Ziberman, and Christ Tomlin.

Stanza 1:

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found;

was blind, but now I see.

Stanza 2:

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

and grace my fears relieved;

how precious did that grace appear

the hour I first believed.

Stanza 4:

The Lord has promised good to me,

His word my hope secures;

He will my shield and portion be,

as long as life endures.

This provides me with roughly an hour of "Amazing Grace" as I face my fears and try to see. I'm not there yet, but I do believe in all the Lord has promised me.

Wishing and praying for grace for all of us.